


hate

by bleakmidwinter



Series: Thin Line Between [2]
Category: Rope (1948)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Misunderstanding, Romance, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28743513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleakmidwinter/pseuds/bleakmidwinter
Summary: Phillip has trouble saying it.
Relationships: Phillip Morgan/Brandon Shaw
Series: Thin Line Between [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107305
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	hate

“Sometimes, I truly hate you.”

Brandon’s statement is soon punctuated with the slam of their bedroom door. 

For the first time in his life, Brandon feels guilt like a wildfire. It swirls around in his head, and he feels like one would after a night full of bad gin and loud music. Guilt stalls in the space around his temples where his head aches the worst. It is in his mouth, instead of words. Words of repair, of reconciliation.

Brandon knows how much stock Phillip puts in the meaning of words and phrases. It is no surprise he stormed out of their room. Not after this fight, not after what Brandon had said.

He’s never been one for apologies, he’s said sorry once or twice, but he’s not too sure ‘sorry’ will cut it this time around. 

He needs to look on the bright side. Phillip hasn’t started throwing material items into a suitcase. He isn’t planning on leaving. There’s that, at least. 

The sound of glass smashing echoes in from the kitchen. 

Breaking dishes isn’t too exceptional for a bright side, though. Brandon stands slowly, feeling out of himself. He straightens up in their mirror, realizing only as he watches himself that his hands are shaking. He clasps them together, squeezing until the trembling subsides.

An hour. An hour is how long he holes himself away in their bedroom, fiddling with the record player, redressing his hair in all manner of styles.

Brandon doesn’t hate Phillip. He couldn’t. But, he hates the things he does sometimes. Hates whining and cowardice. Hates these things like hounds hate the postman. It isn’t Phillip’s fault that Brandon has always been this way.

He doesn’t know what he means to say or do when he finds Phillip in their apartment, but when he finally crosses the room to reach for the bedroom door, it swings open.

Phillip is there, looking not unlike a man who had just been to a funeral.

After arguments, Phillip usually grovels back with a shy look upon his face. Cheeks always pink, and his smile would be crooked, in love, or just plain content.

Today, Phillip is as pale as a ghost and his mouth holds a solid line, completely horizontal and narrow. Tight, as if he’s holding back impulsive remarks. Brandon cocks his head to the side, unsure how to read his posture. 

“Phillip, I’m – ”

“You’re right.”

“Phillip, that’s not – ”

“You’ll let me finish,” Phillip grits out, and it’s the angriest Brandon has ever heard him. The voice coming from his lips is guttural and raw. His hair falls out of place when he continues, “You’ll let me finish, damn you. You won’t say a word until I’m finished, even then you won’t say a word. Do you understand?”

Brandon desperately wants to apologize. A worse side of him desperately wants to goad him on, perhaps dish out a sardonic comment or two to encourage this shaky pile of debris to collapse entirely.

Instead, he nods. 

Phillip loosens slightly. 

“What you said was true. All of it. I mean it.” Phillip sniffs. “I’m glad you said what you said. It helped me realize. I hate you too. I think it’s possible now, to love and hate someone simultaneously. Why wouldn’t it be?”

The urge to apologize rules over the urge to antagonize.

“And, I do hate you. But, I also…I also…”

The debris collapses. All that is left, is wreckage.

“I know Phillip, so do I.” 

**Author's Note:**

> turns out i had this bad boy in my drafts ever since i wrote "love" so i made it a tiny, finished series. just wanted to put this one out into the world alongside that one, as it felt good to do. i've been freshening up several unfinished works lately, so i don't have an excuse for this random blurb other than that. hope someone finds some merit in it xoxo


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